30 August 2005


I dreamt of my lola/grandmother last night. She was visiting me in my home. I didn't get "surprised" because in my dream my mindset was that she was still healthy and alive. I didn't even question the fact that she was able to go up the stairs of my home. We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to bring me one of those big colorful goldfish. I replied with a question asking her if she had bought a new aquarium. She said, "yes." After that I woke up, and then I realized...lola had already passed away months ago.
When I was still a kid, I used to ask my lola to bring home some waterplants for my aquarium whenever she got back from her visits to the farm.
My lola was confined to her bed for a year before she passed away February of this year. She wasn't even able to set foot in my house or seen it in person. She wasn't even present during my housewarming. I'm glad that she was able to finally see my home even if it was only in my dreams. I love you Lola M. and I am thankful for all the love you have given me and my entire family.

27 August 2005


I was watching this talkshow on tv. The topic was about soulmates & I've learned based on seeing that episode that you might not necessarily end-up with your soulmate in your current lifetime but possibly in your next. The reason being is that you're probably still in the process of paying your karmic (karma) debt to the people in your life. They could be a family member, a friend, an enemy, or even your partner or spouse. This "payment" of karmic debt is a means of preparing you when the time comes that you finally meet your soulmate. Now it doesn't follow that life would be less meaningful if the person you have a long-term relationship with right now is not your soulmate. The reason behind this is that your partner may have something important to teach you. BUT you will eventually end-up with your soulmate. You don't even have to search for him/her.

Here are some facts about soulmates: (1) Complete force of attraction: It means that even if you were living in Timbuktu & your soulmate is in New York, your paths will cross in certain places and times, and it will keep on crossing until the two of you get in full contact with each other.
It is as if there is a magnetic force pulling the two of you to come together. (2) Connection & attraction in all levels: physical, mental, sexual, spiritual, etc. If there are differences in tastes in music, fashion, food, etc. these are but minor details. What I'm referring to are deeper connections resulting in a sense of harmony in both parties. (3) Your relationship makes better people out of the two of you allowing each one to evolve into better human beings. (4) The two of you can't live without each other: You always miss him/her. You always think of him. You feel good thinking about him. You feel good when you are with him. The same goes with your partner, because that is what soulmates are...two souls joining together to become one complete being. Quite romantic when you think about it huh?

25 August 2005


It is sad that two Iranian teen-agers were hanged in their country a few weeks ago only because they happened to be gay. Homosexuality and homosexual acts are deemed as crimes not only in Iran but in other countries as well mainly because of religion. I guess I was wrong thinking that I had it real bad when I was once bullied out of college by people who had suspicions that I was gay almost a decade ago. I was still young and at a stage of sexual identity crisis. I really didn't know who to turn to. I had to stop for a semester. Fortunately I was able to get back on my feet although it still hurts whenever I think of that sad period of my life.
I never thought that these unjust & heinous acts against homosexuals still exist. It hurts & infuriates me knowing that at this very moment another man or woman is probably being hanged or punished in some country for the reason that he/she happens to be gay.?


19 August 2005


So, who is my numero uno crush? Well, I can't say it because some "people" might get upset. :-) He's neither a model, actor, nor a celebrity. Only a few people know who he is. His initials are E.C. Kainis! Ayaw niyang pansinin ang kaguwapuhan ko. Why doesn't he notice my cuteness?! Hehe. Just kidding.


07 August 2005

Insomnia Part 2

It's the middle of the morning. I am still awake. My right shoulder hurts. I think I've pushed myself too hard. I tried bench pressing 110lbs. I over exercised my body. Thank goodness my bro-in-law is a doctor. Why am I doing this to myself? I think I'm turning into a bigorexic. I can't sleep. I only sleep an average of 5 hours a day. Sometimes less. I don't want to resort to using sleeping pills because my bro-in-law told me that pills can be addictive. I saw this movie "The Machinist." The main character (played by Christian Bale) is an insomniac. I wonder if a year from now my body would look like this if I completely let my insomnia take over. But I think it's highly unlikely because I love eating. Actually I'm going to raid my fridge after I post this log. I'm in the mood for some pizza, noodles, and bacon cheeseburger with tomatoes and mushrooms. I'm a bigorexic insomniac. Hehe! Just kidding. I'm no bigorexic, only an insomniac :-)

the machinist