20 July 2007

Smile :-)

It's only within the last couple of years that I was able to start flashing a genuine smile and laugh a real laugh. I wasn't always this "sunny." I was a sad and angry young man during my late teens & most of my 20s. Sad because a lot of people were mean to me. A lot of people bullied me especially when I was still in school simply because they suspect that I was gay. I wasn't even sure if I was gay that time because I was also confused about my sexuality. I could handle the physical attacks, but it was the emotional bullying that really got to me. I was angry at myself because I let these people who weren't even important in my life control the way I live my own life. I had so many regrets. I had disappointed my family, but most of all I had disappointed myself. However, seeing on television a tragic event that took place within the early part of this century clearly made me realize how short life is. That in one instance, it could be taken away from you. It was then that I finally started letting go of the parts of me that carry a lot of pain, sadness and regret. That I should start loving & accepting myself too. I'm happy I made that choice. Now, whenever I look back at the past & the things I've been through, I sometimes still get teary-eyed not because I'm sad but because I'm glad that I was able to surpass my personal "struggles" and has finally started moving on. I thank God for enlightening me and giving me a loving family which I consider my only treasure in this world.
Yes, life is still beautiful regardless of its ups and downs :-)
PS
That's my niece (who happens to be my neighbor. hehehe!) and my youngest sis with me.
This is what we do after getting home from the office.
We change to our comfy home attire (hehehe) and either watch tv or
play some PS2 games. I can't believe my sis is getting married :-)
I had the curtains & carpet taken off from my living room to be washed.
I lost weight bec. I was sick. Anyway, I have an excuse to binge! Yehey! Food here I come! Hahaha!

9 comments:

a friends mum said...

What a lovely family you are...I’m glad my boy has you for a friend, you have a nice influence over him. Now let me have those jeans of yours; and I will take them up 5 inch for you...I don’t want you tripping down the stairs. Keep smiling!

leone said...

What a beautiful apartment - great karma I think. Have a great few weeks sweet one - I'm on the move as from 2 morrow.........:).

I might come visit - ha ha - who knows? Would you meet me for a beer? I dare you.

Toyo said...

a friend's mum, who are you?
thanks for the message :-)

hi leone, thanks for the message! that's not an apartment. that's my house :-)
i rarely drink because 1 bottle of beer can make me drunk.
have a safe travel :-)

chase said...

that's the hardship of being gay or in the process of being totally gay whilst in our teens.

i had the same experience. but it wasn't as harsh as yours considering i went to an exclusive school for boys. I didn't say anything. maybe they just respected who i am.
the pains in the past make us a stronger person.

you got a very nice family. gud luck

leone said...

1 beer makes you drunk? Then we definitely must meet for a couple of beers :-)

dazedblu* said...

well that was very rude, i guess you enjoy life at certain point right now. good thing i don't have any experiences like that..

i was bit open at the young aso ppl around chase me but they refuse to do so, since i don't care to break their attention!

actually there were times i was the one who pisses 'em most esp the boys(morons-like).

btw good luck to yer sis! and just live it up.

Toyo said...

thank you :-)

daniel palma tayona said...

i recalled a comment my mother said while she was watching that malate-bar incident with a gay guy featured on The Buzz. she quipped, "Anak, bakit ganun karamihan ng mga bading... madrama."

hmmm, bading? madrama?

i realized that a whopping majority of the gay men i have known really are "madrama" or what is more commonly termed "drama queens". pensiveness and retrospection seems to be more the norm than the exception amongst many of us gay men. perhaps it's a result of us - you, i and many of those who made a comment on your blog - having faced ourselves in the mirror, gone thorugh some painful incidents which in the end, resulted into who we are now as proud and confident gay men.

i say... being drama queens or having a lot of those pensive moments make us reflect on ourselves and how to constantly be the better person we can be for ourselves and ultimately, for others.

cheers!

Toyo said...

i'm no drama queen. i'm more into sexy comedies. hahaha!
thanks for the comment.