Lonely Nights

Haven't been with Ryan (bf) for almost a month now. We usually spend the weekends together, but the company he works for has given him extra assignments on Saturdays & Sundays, so he told me not to bother driving all the way to the city to visit him because I'll only get annoyed since he won't be able to give time for me & entertain me. It's ok. We've already grown accustomed to this kind of long-distance relationship for 2 years now. Sometimes I jokingly tell him to quit his job and go work for me instead, all he needs to do as my employee is to cook good food & lay on my bed....with his legs spread open. Hahaha! Magluluto lang siya at dadapa sa kama ko. LOL! I miss my big baby bear! Hehe! ;-)

It's June once again, which means it's Gay Pride month. Yehey! I can't wait to attend the "White Parties." White Parties are series of celebrations held annually that cater to the gay and lesbian community wherein attendees have to wear white clothing. These parties usually take place on the last week of June. I'm excited because I'll be meeting some of my online friends (Friendster & G4m) on these occasions. Ryan will be with me. Sana 'wag siyang magmaton mode baka matakot mga ka-eyeballs ko. Baka wala akong ma-take home na cutey. Hahaha! Biro lang. See ya at the World Trade Center or Malate or Makati, etc. ;-)

Rants

Ryan and I had an argument recently. Nainis talaga ako sa kanya! Ryan told me that he wanted to do a makeover on me starting with my hair. We always argue about my hair. I want my hair cut really short. He wants it to just have an average length and also spiked like the one I had a few months ago. So, he brought me to the salon of his choice somewhere in Greenbelt. After the shampoo girl washed my hair and brought me to the cutting area I looked around and my bf was nowhere in sight. I texted him and called him because I didn't know what haircut he wanted on me that time, but he wasn't answering. His phone was off. I was starting to get annoyed so I just told the stylist to cut my hair short. After I had my haircut. I kept looking around the salon but still no sign of bf. After I paid the bill, I walked around the mall, calling him on my cellphone over and over until he finally answered....10 minutes later. He was in the grocery store. When I finally met him at Rustan's his first reaction was "yan din haircut mo dati eh" "that's the same haircut you had." He said that with a disappointed/disdained look on his face.

My fuse was beginning to overload. Gusto ko ng manigaw ng tao. Gusto ng lumabas ang pagkatoyo ko. But I just kept quiet because there's a saying that if you don't want to say anything nice nor hurtful, then you shouldn't say anything at all. Tapos siya pa yung parang naiinis sa akin kung bakit tahimik ako at 'di siya pinapansin. Di niya magets. Sa isip-isip ko lang gusto kong sabihin "sarap mong banatan ha!" Pero at one point nung naghahanap na kami ng restaurant to have dinner in, medyo nataasan ko siya ng boses kasi napuno na ako pag inarte niya. Mabuti nga sa kanya! Nung nililigawan niya ako bait bait niya tapos ngayon nagiinarte/nagsusuplada siya. Che! Hahaha! I think some people were staring at us while we were walking along the mall. I'm a very "transparent" person. It shows on my face if I'm angry. Anyway, if there's one thing that could calm me, it's good food. I ordered some prawns with a sauce mixed with crab fat at Mr. Rockefeller's. Yum! Yum! He ordered a plate of oysters with melted cheese on top, and bourbon ribs. I was ok after my stomach was full. Food is good "therapy." It did take a toll on my tummy though. My abs are now gone. Wala na siya! Takaw ko kasi! I should cut down on rice. But it's so hard. Tapos nagkakazits pa ako. Kainis 'tong katawan ko, walang pakisama! My gosh! ;-)

Bye Bye Summer!

The rains are becoming more frequent as days pass by. Another season is once again beginning to turn. I guess I have to say farewell to my favorite time of the year. Time to say goodbye to summer and unfortunately prepare for the monsoon season. To think that I haven't even made any summer flings yet. Hehehe! Pero I still have 3 weeks left para makahanap. June pa naman kasi talaga ang official start ng rainy season diba? Hahaha! Lagot ako sa bf ko. My bf's gonna reprimand me again and sermon me with matching fire & brimstones & thunders & roaring effects in the background. Haha! I love you baby! He did however, give me his permission to be Ricky Martin's fling. Ricky Martin, I will always love you! Marry me! Call me! Text me Ricky! Sige na! Hahaha! Dream on Toyo! Dream on! LOL!

I'm not fond of the rainy season. The only rain I like is Madonna's song "Rain".

Rain – Madonna Music Code

Home Is Where The Heart Is....

My bf (Ryan) and I come from completely two different worlds. He's a city guy and I'm a provincial bloke or as we refer to here in the Philippines, a promdi. I prefer living here in the province. It's less stressful, people are a lot nicer, the skies seem to be a lot clearer, and I like seeing the vast expanse of greenery. However, it can get a little boring here in Bulacan, sometimes :-)

Ryan on the other other hand loves the fast, busy life of the metropolis. I only go to the city if I'm to visit him, usually on a weekend when the streets of Makati are free from traffic, and then he I would go shopping or clubbing, and watch cute guys partying in the clubs though we're not that active in the club scene anymore. I guess we're getting older :-(

The view atop my home's deck

The view from the terrace of Ryan's condo

Damages....

My sis knocked on my bedroom in the wee hours of this morning because she kept hearing a "cracking" noise inside the guest/storage room. We were surprised to find out that the tiles on the floor were the cause of the noise. The floor tiles were popping/folding up! Umaangat sila! My gosh! The floor tiles were actually moving and folding up as we stood inside the room. It was eerie hearing the cracking noise of the tiles as we watched them "move" as if it was a scene in a movie.

The "movement" seemed to have started in the middle of the room, underneath the bed. I decided to remove the tiles because I was concerned that maybe there's damage or a crack on the structure of the floor. Fortunately I found no crack but I noticed small holes.

I'm not really concerned about the tiles getting broken. I don't like those tiles anyway and I can always replace them. I'm worried about the structure of the floor because the room it's in happens to be on the 2nd floor. I'm gonna have to employ an engineer to look onto this. Thinking about the possibility of having to fix the entire floor is already giving me a headache because I know it won't be easy since the floor is made of cement. All of the floors in my home is cemented even the one in my bedroom BUT I had wooden panels attached to the floor of my master bedroom to make it look different from the rest of the other rooms. Hehehe!

This is so annoying! Hay naku sakit na naman ng ulo. Gastos na naman :-(

Conflict of Interest....

Stopped by at SM Marilao late in the afternoon. I needed to buy a car shampoo. I thought it was going to be another boring day, but as I was browsing along the car section of Ace Hardware, I came across "Richard" (not his real name). It's been months since I last saw him. Richard and I used to be "friends with benefits." I met him through a website. He's a year older than me. Tall and handsome. We used to have lots of fun. We play together, enjoy each other's company, and then go our separate ways. Just pure, clean, no-strings-attached fun. It was the perfect setup until one afternoon, after doing what we normally do, he asked me if we could elevate our relationship from mere bed buddies to something more serious. At first I laughed thinking he was joking, but as I looked into his eyes, I realized he wasn't. An uncomfortable air of silence started filling the room we were in as we stared at each other. I told him "Do you even understand what you're asking us to do?" He replied, "Yes" and it was a strong Yes! He is aware of the fact that I'm already in a relationship. My bf is also aware that I have someone I exclusively "play with" during times when he's away and busy, and vice versa.

I said to Richard, "You're charming, handsome, well-educated, you have a good job. You can easily get any man you want. So why settle on being the third wheel in a relationship? All of us will only end up getting hurt." He was quiet afterwards. We both were. We started putting our clothes on. I hugged him. I left his home and went my own way. I didn't want to stay longer because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I would never ever do anything that would intentionally hurt Rich's feelings or anyone else's. It was a pleasant surprise seeing him today after a long time. I smiled at him when I caught him glancing at me. He approached me. We said our hi's and hello's. As I was about to head towards the cashier, he held my hand, looked directly into my eyes and asked "Why?" I answered, "because it's what's best for all of us." It was difficult walking away. It was the right choice.

On My Side Of The Bed

The result of the summer heat...

If only there was someone I could further heat things up with on my side

of the bed.... Naughty ain't I? Hehe..

This will be the last time I post a photo of myself wearing only my undies. The only reason I posted this pic is because some of my blog's readers requested it. Lagot ako kay papa Ryan, baka.......ma excite siya sa picture, kung ano pa gawin niya....Hahaha! Have a nice day :-)

P.S.

My blog's 3 years old this month. Yehey!

I hope I'll be able to continue blogging for a long time :-)

Irritation!

KAINIIISSS!!! May nakakainis na nangyari sa akin. It's so nakakainis that I'm just gonna smile and pretend/lie to myself that all of it didn't happen. Plastik no? Hahaha!

I swear, I will never let anything like that happen again. Ever!!! Basta, kainis talaga. Crush ko pa naman iyon. Babawi ako next time. Hehehe! Kaya lang pano kung di na magkaroon ulit ng chance? Boohuhu! :-( Ma-raid na nga lang ang fridge. Pero I just remembered that I haven't gone grocery shopping yet. Nakalimutan ko mag grocery ngayon. Oh no! KAASAAARRR!!!

Out Of The Blue

While waiting for our lunch to arrive, Ryan as he would usually do while we're waiting for our food, took a photo of me :-) The weather seems to be getting hotter & hotter here in the Philippines with each passing day. Another season has turned. Summer has finally arrived. What's hotter though was what took place more than a month ago which I wasn't able to post here in my blog. I was busy kasi :-) Anyway, what happened was out of the blue, one of my high school batchmates (whose name I shall not disclose because I value his privacy) texted me. He said that he's interested in getting to know me more & hoped that I also felt the same way. Ayyy!!!! Napansin daw niya ako during the reunion pero di daw kami nagkaroon ng chance to talk. Nahiya daw siya. I asked him how he got my number. He told me that he researched it from our other batchmates. Ayyy!!! Again!!!! Hahaha! By the way, hindi ito yung sinasabi kong crush ko nung high school ha. Hindi ko na iyon masyadong crush. Ibang batchmate itong kinukwento ko. He asked me if he could visit me at my place. I said, "ok".

He arrived around 7 or 8pm. He's a cutey! I didn't recognize him because he has changed a lot from what I've seen on our yearbook. He was very quiet while we were watching tv in the living room and then suddenly he popped the question! May chance daw ba na maging kami! My gosh!!!! He asked, if there's a possibility of him and I being together. Biglang humaba at kumapal tuloy ang hairline ko. LOL! I told him though, that I'm already in a relationship. If I was single, I'll probably give it a try. He visited me some more. Biniro ko nga siya eh, sabi ko nanliligaw ka wala man lang dalang chocolates. Maski Curly Tops na chocolates masaya na ako. Hehehe. Nagulat siya kasi kaibigan ko pala ang ex niya. He was surprised to know that one of my friends happens to be his ex. Uh oh! Small world ;-) He and I still text each other from time to time. I know it will not be hard for him to find a partner. First of all, he's very cute and lovable. I already have a soft spot for him in my heart. I wish him nothing but the best.

Always Be My Baby – David Cook Music Code

The Wrong Impression?

I've been getting some emails lately. What's interesting is that majority of those emails are often sexual in nature, meaning they ask me about my sex life. Hahaha! I don't think my blog and my youtube videos are that sexually suggestive though. Kayo talaga ha? LOL! Sure, I talk about some sex stuff in my blog and I post shirtless pics of myself like the one below. Pang akit ko lang mga pictures kong ganito. Para madagdagan yung aapat kong blog readers. Hahaha! But compared to other blogs out there, I think mine is quite tame.

Am I giving the world the wrong impression? Hehehe! I'm actually shy & timid in real life. Believe me, I'm as innocent and bashful as a tiny, fluffy bunny rabbit. LOL! Maniwala naman kayo sa akin! Sige na ;-)

PS

An alarming thing occurred this week. I discovered.........4 strands of white hair on my head. Noooo!!! Boohuhu! Was it caused by me getting sick a few weeks ago and the heavy meds I was taking during that time, or is this genetics at work? I don't wanna have white strands of hair. I'm only 32! When I turn 40 I'll accept it but not right now, I love my black hair. Boohuhu! :-(

Recovery

I feel better now. I was sick with fever for almost a week. When I was sick I also had a zit that got infected, add to that a swollen throat, and I injured my gum while brushing. It was hell. There were times I just broke down in tears because I was all alone in my house. I didn't want to ask help from my family because I'm ashamed to ask help from them. I'm already 32, I should be the one taking care of myself whenever I'm sick. My parents aren't that young anymore, and my sisters have their own families to take care of. Fortunately, my bf (Ryan) came over and took care of me. I really needed him to be with me. It's when he arrived that I started feeling better. He cooked food for me and gave me a sponge bath. Nahiya nga ako eh ng pinunasan niya ako kasi mukha na akong losyang. Kadiri! Hehehe! I was able to release all of my frustrations and cry on him when he was here. I'm not used to getting sick. I try my best to be healthy and not get sick because it's during times when I'm ill that I feel the loneliest. I believe that any gay guy living on his own can relate to what I'm saying. Siyempre binibisita naman ako ng pamilya ko pero pagdating ng gabi na ako na lang mag-isa tapos maysakit pa, bato na siguro ako kung di ak mapamukmok.... Love you babe!

My gum still hurts, I'm gonna see a dentist next week. I lost some significant weight. I now weigh 122 lbs. My normal/fit weight is 130 lbs., but I'm just glad I'm ok. At least now, I have an excuse to binge on food. Hehehe! Pero nanghinayang ako kasi in a span of one week, lahat ng pinaghirapan ko sa pag-gigym nawala. May scar pa ako sa face because of that nasty zit na na-infect. Buti na lang magaling ako mag-apply ng concealer. Hahaha! It will take me 2-3 months to get my former body back. My body is the type that has a hard time gaining weight. Wish me luck :-)

PS

That's my recent pic. My hair is getting long. I want to have my hair cut short because long hair takes too much time to style and I often get zits because of the styling gel/clay I put on my hair. My bf likes my hair long & requested me to maintain this kind of hairstyle for the time being. Grrr!!! Gusto ko na magpagupit eh. I hate long hair :-(

Reunion

I attended my 15-year high school reunion last December 27th, 2007. My goodness! 15 years had passed since I graduated from high school. I spent my high school years at SPCB. Yes! Paulinian po ako. I grabbed these photos from my school's Friendster profile. I hope they didn't mind. My high school crush was present during that night. My gosh! He even won something. I was too shy to approach him though. Mukha siyang masungit!!! Baka isnabin niya ako, e di nabroken heart pa tuloy ako diba? :-( Pero he's still single!! Baka may chance pa. Hahaha!

There were only 16 of us from our section who were able to attend. Our batch is composed of 6 sections overall. I hated the fact that we were obligated to wear these shirts/uniforms. The organizers stated that the "uniform" was a way to "equalize" all of us. So, I wasn't able to wear my outfit. Grrr! Di tuloy ako nakaporma :-( Actually nasuot ko naman ang outfit ko, grand entrance nga ako eh. Kasi I was late, lahat sila nakasuot na ng uniform and ako na lang ang hindi. Naka sleeveless pa ako. Hahaha! Pang white party sa Malate ang naging dating ko! LOL! Kaya lang binigay sa akin yung shirt/uniform pagkatapos kong mag register. It was fun! ;-)

Calling

Why is it I feel that there's still something missing in my life. I have a nice home, a loving family, a loving relationship, my own business and yet there's a part of me that at the end of the day,feels a sense of emptiness.

Ironic isn't it? My blog's entitled Toyo's Way, but I don't know in which direction I am to take my life.

I'm afraid that years from now I'm going to wake up one day and realized that I have accomplished nothing meaningful. What is my calling? What is my true purpose in life?

Sometimes I just want to go & live somewhere far away from everyone like in our farm wherein I can be alone and think about things. All the basic necessities I need to live are present in our farm. It's going to be tough if I'm to live there with no maids and without the creature comforts of the home I'm living in now but... I wonder....

Puro pagpapakasaya na lang ginagawa ko. Minsan may nasasaktan na pala ako unintentionally. Ayokong tumanda ng paurong. Siguro nga kailangan kong umalis muna at bumalik na lang kapag nahanap ko na ang mga sagot sa mga tanong ko.

Maybe I need to go away for a while and turn a new leaf...

A Four-Eyed DILF???

Yes ladies & gentlemen, I can't hide it any longer. I wear glasses. I wear contacts most of the time though. My right lens has a power of 300 and the other has 325 which means I'm as blind as a bat if I'm not wearing them. Time to accept the fact that I'm getting older. Tumatanda na ako. May asim pa ba? Siguro naman! LOL! Men these days who umm..flirt with me (hahaha!) usually the 20somethings sometimes refer to me as a......DILF! My gosh!!! Gusto daw nila ng daddy! Kaasar! Am I that old?? Is 32 that old?? Thunder na ba talaga ako??? At least nobody teases & calls me a twink anymore. LOL! Oh well, in that case then umm...come here! Come to daddy! Hahaha! ;-)

click the image to enlarge

I failed to mention last time that I'm so disappointed at someone. I'm not going to name him. 2 weeks ago he asked me to meet up with him at this nice bar in Makati because he wanted to make our friendship official , but he stood me up. My bf didn't accompany me bec. he was tired so I was all alone in that bar :-( I waited for an hour, had a beer, & then I drove back to my bf's pad. There were a couple of men making eye contact, but I wasn't in the mood to "cruise" (and I rarely cruise in real life) bec. I was waiting for my so-called friend. That guy and I have been corresponding online for quite some time. I rarely meet in real life with people that I only met in cyber space, so I was very disppointed. The least he could have done was call or answer my text messages & tell me that he couldn't make it. Moral of the story? I should hire a detective to locate the guy so I can....kick his nuts! Ouch! Hahaha! Sila na lang pumunta sa akin kung gusto nila. Mahirap ang maging masyadong mabait. Che! LOL!

Happy Holidays! ;-)

I'm making a list, and checking it twice. I'm gonna find out who's naughty & nice...

I tried to apply as a Santa Claus in one of those malls in the city but they wouldn't hire me. Just

because I only let cute men who've been naughty this year sit on my lap, listen to their wishes and then give them their gifts doesn't mean that I'm not qualified to be a Santa Claus!!!! Grrr! It's unfair! I spent thousands....of centavos on my Santa outfit. Boohuhu! ;-)

All I want is to spread the message of loving and giving to cute men everywhere, and afterwards I'll let them ride my sleigh and I'll take them to my home where we can have biscuits and some milking of my warm pole. Oops! I'm sorry! What I meant to say was, have biscuits & drink some warm milk in the north pole where I your friendly neighborhood Santa Claus lives. LOL! ;-) Kayo talaga ha! Nagmamadali kasi akong magtype nitong blog kaya nami-mix ko yung words...

Hahaha! Just kidding!

Happy holidays to all of us!!!!

Drew & Mano

One of my favorite couples Andrew & Manolo, was recently here in the Philippines. That's my bf (Ryan) with the cap & glasses, Andrew is the white gentleman, Manolo (Mano) is the gentleman in the blue &white striped shirt, and of course me wearing the shirt with long sleeves eventhough the weather was warm that night :-) The photos were taken at The Fort/Bonifacio Global City which is my new favorite place to chill out. Sawa na ako sa Makati eh. Masarap mag shopping sa Makati (Greenbelt/Glorietta/Rockwell) pero mas gusto ko sa The Fort mag chill. Mas maraming cute don. Hehe! We just finished dinner when the pics were taken which is why I looked bloated. Haha!

Mano & Drew have been together for more than a decade. Sixteen years if I remembered it right, which is why they inspire me to make my own relationship with my bf grow deeper and stay stronger :-) I wish I could have spent more time with them, but November's been a very busy & stressful month for me :-( I hope one day I'll be able to visit them in San Francisco IF I got over my fear of flying. I suffer from terrible air sickness. I wish them the best of health, happiness and more decades together :-) 

Young & In-Love

An excerpt from a slideshow I presented at my sis' wedding :-)

I have to admit, they make a cute couple.

more of my vids at: http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

P.S.

Malapit na 15th year high school reunion namin. I don't have a date!

Nakabili na nga ako ng winter outfit ko eh. Ipagpipilitan kong mag fur coat. Pero wala akong suot underneath. Flasher??!! Hahaha!

My bf won't be able to accompany me. He has to work daw. Kaasar siya! Work work! Che!!!!Nakakainis! Nakakalungkot! Nakakaloko! Boohuhu! :-(

Parang ayoko ng umattend. Pero baka umattend yung crush ko.

Nakakalito!!!!! ;-)

Playing Around...

Ryan spent the weekend at my place. Yes, that's my humble home. The fruit of my labor. Opo galing siya sa sinapupunan ko. LOL! Siyempre nag-emote na naman siya pagdating. Hahaha! Aba, nag-investigate ba naman. He asked me if I was faithful to him during the course of our separation from each other. I told him I was only umm...semi-faithful during his long absence because I happen to be a growing boy with growing needs (actually before he visited me at my place, he and I broke-up for a while because I got really upset at him) Hahaha! After I said that, he pulled my hair. I wanted to pull his hair too but umm...he's a skinhead :-(

Ang daya-daya niya, lagi akong talo sa sabunutan. Sabi ko sa chinese garter nalang kami maglaban kaya lang sagot naman niya it's sooo unladylike daw. LOL! Natatakot lang siya kasi dati akong member ng Chinese garter varsity team nung college. Hahaha! On another note, he told me that I can have a fubu to have fun with while he's away BUT he has to be the one to screen and choose my future fubu. Oh no! What if he chose a umm...homely one? My goodness! Paano pag ayoko ng pinili niya for me? Dapat hindi chaka ha! Dapat kamukha ni Dennis Trillo. Hahaha! Babe! For the sake of humanity and umm...my sanity please choose a cute one for me, ok? Mwah! LOL! :-)

Cycle

My lola (grandma) passed away at the age of 92 last Saturday (the 20th of Oct.) All of my lolas are in heaven now. It was really painful especially seeing my father cry over the passing of his mother. Fathers are supposed to represent strength in the family...I couldn't help but cry whenever I see my father cry. Even the thought of him crying, makes me cry. These are one of the moments I wished I had a partner comforting me...but I do not. So I have to toughen myself up again like I did when my other lola passed away 2 years ago. There were moments I felt really down though because everybody else had their partners to comfort them throughout this ordeal. My parents have each other, my sisters have their husbands and boyfriend. I had none. Anyway, there's a saying "pain builds up a person's character." Ayoko naman masyadong magpakalungkot, baka mainis si lola sa kaka-emote ko. Baka multohin niya ako at sabunutan :-)

One of my fondest memories of lola took place when I was around 9 or 10 years old. We were in the city zoo and there was this naughty chimpanzee that kept spitting on people. However, when the chimp was busy being mischievous, it didn't notice lola sneaking near the cage. Before the chimp knew it, lola poked its butt using her umbrella causing it to panic and climb its tree. Hahaha! I can't help but smile whenever I remember that scene :-)

I know that lola is in a much better place now. She doesn't have to suffer anymore. No more sickness and pain. I am thankful because if it were not for her, I wouldn't have a loving father, and I wouldn't be here telling the whole world of my appreciation for her. Thank you lola. We love you.

I'm A Dad!

Well....technically speaking..I'm not. Hehehe! I had a dream a few days ago. In it was the cutest little boy I've ever seen and he called me...dad. Aren't dreams supposed to be the reflections of one's subconscious thoughts and desires? So, does that mean that deep inside I do want to have a kid of my own? I'm confused. I told myself years ago that I would never consider having one. With my current lifestyle, I can't afford to have a kid of my own. I'm too happy-go-lucky to raise a son. Yes, a son! A handsome gay son! Hahaha! I don't want a daughter, they are too high-maintenance. Well, maybe when I'm older, I might consider having a child. But I will not do it the "traditional" way ok? It's through artificial means of course. 'Di ko kayang "pumatol" sa babae. Baka masuka ako. Haha! :-) But if the kid grew up into a brat, I'll return him to where he came from and ask for a refund! LOL! ;-)

PS

Had a check-up earlier. It was just hyperacidity ;-) My hair's getting long again. I like my hair cut very short though like that of a soldier. Military cut :-)

Negativity

I've been blogging for years now, and through the course of these years I've learned to develop a thick skin when it comes to dealing with messages/emails that are hateful in nature. I am aware that there are people who do not agree with my sexuality and lifestyle but I don't think that gives them the right to send me messages with hateful terms such as; idiot, asshole, shithead, slut, etc. I've been getting a lot of these types of messages lately. I wonder why? Iniistorbo nila ako. Mga antipatika!!!! Hahaha!

There are also gay men who criticize the sound of my voice so condescendingly. What disappoints me the most is that majority of these gay men are Filipinos like me. I've corresponded with people from other countries and they didn't seem to have any problems regarding the way I speak. It's my fellow Filipino gay brothers who seem to have an "issue" with it. They say that it's a shame that my voice is too gay or soft. They (Filipino homosexual critics) usually refer to themselves as "bisexuals" even though they do not have sex with women. Very confusing! Naloko ako! Hehe! Well, as for me...I am gay and I don't have any intentions of changing the way that I am just to seek other people's approval or meet other people's "standards" with regards to what they believe is attractive. I've done that before and I only ended up feeling miserable, insecure, and shallow.

I don't wish to become a "lemming", a follower...always trying to conform & please everyone. And hindi yata bagay sa akin magsalita ng mga katagang "bro", "dude", "pre", "pare".....pare...pakiss naman pare....Hahaha! Ayokong masyadong maging paminta. 1/4 paminta lang. Hahaha! I just want to be me and I'll continue to be the way that I am as long as the manner in which I live my life doesn't intentionally hurt or offend others in the process. There's already a lot of things negative in this world and I don't wish to be a part of that :-)

PS

I have nothing against bisexuals and pamintas ok?

I even had a relationship with one in the past

Ayoko lang ng overly paminta. They look too stiff ;-)

Gay Life 3: Buddies

Part 3 of my Gay Life series. I hope you like it :-) We all met through Guys4men.com as was stated in the credits. We decided to make this mini movie for fun and to celebrate our friendship. I plan to do at least 1 more vid before the year ends. I'm already speaking to one Guys4men member to be in the vid with me. I hope I'll be able to get it done. Have a nice day :-)

video link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5ZUKys75EE&fmt=18

Smile :-)

It's only within the last couple of years that I was able to start flashing a genuine smile and laugh a real laugh. I wasn't always this "sunny." I was a sad and angry young man during my late teens & most of my 20s. Sad because a lot of people were mean to me. A lot of people bullied me especially when I was still in school simply because they suspect that I was gay. I wasn't even sure if I was gay that time because I was also confused about my sexuality. I could handle the physical attacks, but it was the emotional bullying that really got to me. I was angry at myself because I let these people who weren't even important in my life control the way I live my own life. I had so many regrets. I had disappointed my family, but most of all I had disappointed myself. However, seeing on television a tragic event that took place within the early part of this century clearly made me realize how short life is. That in one instance, it could be taken away from you. It was then that I finally started letting go of the parts of me that carry a lot of pain, sadness and regret. That I should start loving & accepting myself too. I'm happy I made that choice. Now, whenever I look back at the past & the things I've been through, I sometimes still get teary-eyed not because I'm sad but because I'm glad that I was able to surpass my personal "struggles" and has finally started moving on. I thank God for enlightening me and giving me a loving family which I consider my only treasure in this world.

Yes, life is still beautiful regardless of its ups and downs :-)

PS

That's my niece (who happens to be my neighbor. hehehe!) and my youngest sis with me.

This is what we do after getting home from the office.

We change to our comfy home attire (hehehe) and either watch tv or

play some PS2 games. I can't believe my sis is getting married :-)

I had the curtains & carpet taken off from my living room to be washed.

I lost weight bec. I was sick. Anyway, I have an excuse to binge! Yehey! Food here I come! Hahaha!

C&C

It's sweeping the nation! It's the latest craze this monsoon season! If you don't have it, then you are definitely out of touch with the latest trend. I'm talking about C&C or.......cough and colds! Yes, I have them! LOL! It's the IN thing these days, so I (unintentionally) decided to jump in the bandwagon. Nakiuso at nakiubo na rin ako! Hahaha! I'm just staying indoors. Don't wanna infect anyone.

Pero nainspire ako to launch a project. A fashion show in which lahat ng models dapat umuubo at may tumutulong sipon habang rumarampa sa runway. Kleenex lang saplot nila! Title ng show is Look ala Sipone! Very Avant-garde! Yes? Wag niyo na ako kontrahin! Hahaha! I was so "inspired" that I plan to launch a project runway fashion show thingy! The models will only wear Kleenex and they have to dramatically cough & sniff & sob (not cry ok? haha! ) as they walk the runway! Very Avant-garde huh? LOL! :-) Seriously though, I wanna get well soon. God! Stop teasing me and heal me already! Love Ya! ;-)

PS

My MiniDV Cam is fixed. Yehey!

I hope that young guy from G4M is still willing to act in the video. I will never speak

in my videos anymore though because people make fun of my voice

boohuhu! Nahu-hurt tuloy feelings ko. Boohuhuhu. Waaaah! ;-)

No more video blogs. I'm gonna stick to doing short music vids only.

BFF :-)

I have a new dog. Yehey!! His name is "Puppy." Yes, that is his name. Even when he's all grownup he will still be called Puppy! LOL! My former dog "Muymuy" died of old age 3 months ago :-( I'm glad I have a new dog. Actually, my older sister's maid saw this pup wandering the streets. She felt sorry for it & brought it to my sister. When nobody claimed it, my sis gave it to me. Puppy is now my new BFF. Best friends forever unless he bites me, if so I'll give him to my employees and let them cook him! Hahaha! Kidding! Kidding! :-)

Now, my youngest sis who lives with me wants a pet of her own. She wants a pet rabbit. I told her that rabbits are just big rats with better fur. Rabbits also have big red eyes. Scary!!! Nakakatakot!

Aftermath

I had a wonderful weekend. Watched the movie "Transformers." The first half of the film was a little boring but the battle scenes during the latter part were magnificent. Starscream, my favorite decepticon was in the film, so I was happy to see him/it. After watching the flick, Ryan & I went straight to Malate, Manila to attend the Gay Pride events/White Parties. It was my first time to participate in a White Party. I had a great time meeting new people and seeing new faces. I even met some of my cyberbuddies from Guys4Men and Friendster. I met J@e & Bnine from G4M, and Ian II from my Friendster. It was my first time seeing them in person. They were very nice to me. Ryan and I partied the rest of the night away inside BED, one of the more popular bars in Malate. I even ended up taking my shirt off while dancing. Probably because I had a couple of drinks. Hehehe! When we went out of the bar, the sun was already up. It was tiring. It was crowded everywhere. It was a lot of fun :-) I wasn't able to hook-up (what??!!! hahaha!) with some hot guy though because Ryan was not in his best mood (oh no!!!) because his feet were a little sore. Poor baby! :-( There was this one guy that I was interested in but he kept giving me mixed messages/signals so I decided to stop wasting time on him. I just slept the rest of the day/morning away at Ryan's condo. Fortunately I wasn't drooling in my sleep while he took this photo. Hehehe! :-) bagsak! / exhaustion!

Thinking Of You...

I wish you could stay, but you're so far away...

so far away....

PS

Feeling a little melancholy today.

Anyway, my hair's getting long. Time for a haircut.

Nocturnal Habit

I'm still hungry eventhough I just finished having my midnight snack a while ago. I workout in the gym at night from 10-12am and afterwards I eat my night snack. I workout in the evening because it helps me fall asleep a lot faster. Helps me fight my insomnia. Working out leaves me hungry though. Hehehe! For my midnight snack, I had 2 porkchops, half a cup of rice, a baked potato with melted cheese, and some "tuyo" which is a filipino dish made up of dried, salted fish. I'm allergic to tuyo but I couldn't resist eating it. I love eating tuyo even if it smells :-) The "tuyo" I had has a spicy sauce. Yummmmy! I also had a pear for my dessert. By the way, tuyo is different from toyo. Toyo in Filipino means soy sauce. Toyo is also a Filipino slang word used to refer to someone who is in a bad mood. Hahaha! I almost forgot, "tuyo" also means dry in Filipino

I'm hungry again! Maybe I'll eat some donuts or some chicken nuggets or that hamburger I bought at Burger Machine late this afternoon. I prefer Burger Machine over McDonald's or Jollibee. Their burgers are a lot tastier and cheaper. I'm not sure if they're cleaner but still...masarap siya! Wendy's burgers are still my overall favorite though :-)

PS

I burned my credit card earlier this week! Nakakainis!! I always end up burning my card when I'm in the mall. LOL! Bigla ko naman kasing binili agad yung shirts. Akala ko sale lahat yung kinuha ko. Naka 4k+ tuloy ako. My gosh! Sisley pa yung brand, sana isang A/X nalang binili ko. Yung type kong white long sleeves na shirt na nasa window display sa A/X sa Glorietta (Talagang sinabi ko yung branch no??? Hahaha!) which was my first choice to begin with. Nakakaasar! Bullshit!! No! It's double bullshit for making a mistake!!!! Grrrrrrrrrr! :-(

Note to self: Rey! Do NOT shop for a month!

Di bale cute naman yung shirt na nabili ko. Yeah right, keep telling yourself that Rey. Oh no! I'm beginning to argue with myself. Hahaha! Haba ng P.S. ko no? ;-)

Long-distance

Ryan (my bf) has recently moved into his new pad. I visited his place earlier this week. I took some pics. He still haven't unpacked yet. I liked it very much. It's a lot bigger than his previous condominium unit. He kept making fun of me saying "siguro naman di ka na mag-iinarte at di na masikip ang condo ko!" that I wouldn't complain anymore because his new place is a lot bigger. Hahaha! The only thing I don't like is the location. He now lives in Makati City, which is quite far from Bulacan. It usually takes me 45 mins. to an hour to drive from my home in Bulacan to Quezon City where he used to live. Now, it will probably take me +/- 2 hours to drive all the way to Makati. I hate driving in the city. I hate the traffic, most especially the unruly bus & jeepney drivers. If you drive in the city of Manila or Makati, etc., you'll know what I'm talking about. I can handle a long-distance relationship (my last relationship was one), but I know he's not used to this kind of setup. Sometimes whenever he feels down because we're apart I phone him & tell/tease him that it's physically beneficial for us because if we're together all the time we'd end up as skin and bones from making love 24/7. LOL! I can't help it, I love sex! Sex is the national pastime of gay men! Hahaha! I told him I had a dream recently wherein the two of us were "baptizing" his new place & to complete the "blessing" a third guy MUST make love to us. A threesome??!! Hahaha! I teased/told him that I could turn that dream into a reality if he wanted me to. He said "you are soooo kinky!" and I replied "more than one year na tayo, ngayon mo lang nalaman?" ("you only figured that out now after more than a year of knowing me??") Hahaha!

PS

I've received several messages asking when I'm to publish a new video. I still haven't had my camcorder fixed. I can't find the damn warranty. I need the warranty receipt so I could either have my cam fixed or replaced. I'll try to make one next month in time for Gay Pride. Yehey!!!! :-)

Infatuation 2007

It's that time of the year when I once again name the men that I have a HUGE crush on! Actually I had nothing significant to blog today so I ended up talking about my infatuations. Hahaha! On 5th place is Rocco. He's cute and is a world-class chef. I love to eat and he loves to cook. Perfect combination if I may say ;-) No. 4 is Gerard. He's such a yummy daddy in the movie "300." Delicious!!!! ;-)Dennis, a Filipino actor is on 3rd place. He seems demure and innocent but underneath that boy-next-door look of his lies a sexy young man. Ryan's on 2nd place. He's a funny guy and a stud at the same time. I love a guy who can make me laugh. I love to laugh. Hahaha! See? I'm laughing now! ;-) And my number 1 crush is Ricky! He's always been on my list. He can sing. He can dance. He's always welcome to shake his bon bon at me anytime he wishes to. Yeah right! Dream on Toyo! Dream on! Hehehe!

PS

To my blog readers (all 4 of you. hahaha) who've been asking when I'm going to publish a new music video/video clip on my youtube channel, I'll probably do one before the end of May. I already have a concept in mind & I'm thinking of inviting 1 of my friends at guys4men.com to be in the vid. His profile name there is revilo1. I think he'll be perfect for the role because he's young, cute & I'm taller than him. I'm only 5'7" tall. I still have to convince the cutey. He's quite shy :-)

Sanctuary

This is my gym. It's not only a place where I workout, it's also where I spend time whenever I'm really stressed or getting a little bit hotheaded. Exercising calms me down and clears my mind.

Speaking of stress, I got annoyed at Ryan (my bf) lately. He asked me to come over his pad last Saturday. I told him that I would come over but that I didn't want to stay there too long because I wanted to go barhopping which I had not been able to do in months. The last time I had a "nightlife" was December of last year. Although I love it here in the province, too much of the same scenery can get a little boring. I arrived at his place around +/- 7:00pm. We had dinner and afterwards he asked if he could take a nap first because it's still too early in the evening, & that I should wake him up around 1:30am. I decided/tried to wake him up around 2:30am instead so that he'll be more rested. He ended up waking around 3:30am.

We left his pad at Quezon City around 4am. We stopped by his office in Makati around +/- 4:20am to get his mobile phone adaptor. It was +/- 4:30am when we arrived at Government Bar, but there was a long line/crowd of people trying to get inside the place & I wasn't in the best mood to fall in line because I was already upset at Ryan for making me wait for hours in his pad while he slept. He didn't even want me to go out while he was asleep so I won't get bored. Getting back at the story, so since it was packed at Government we decided to head to Malate (Bed Bar). By the time we arrived in Malate, it was already +/- 5:00am. To make matters worse, we were pulled over by the police. The cop said that we entered a one-way street although there weren't any signs saying that it was a one-way street. Fortunately the cop was kind & understanding enough to let us go without ticketing us. We arrived at the bar around +/-5:30am. The sun was already beginning to shine. I decided to just have breakfast at Adriatico instead. Afterwards we went home. We accomplished nothing that night. Driving back from Manila to my home here in Bulacan, I didn't speak to him. It was his idea for me to go to the city in the first place & I rarely go to the city. I rarely go barhopping and I whenever I barhop I want it to be with him because he is after all my bf. Naiyak ako sa inis. Minsan lang ako mag-aya to have some fun 'di pa napagbigyan. Treat ko naman. Nasayang lang outfit ko. LOL! And then he got upset at me for not talking to him. Whatever! From now on ikakabisado ko na streets of Manila para next time that I want to unwind in the city, di na ako aasa sa kanya. Hahaha! ;-) In the meantime, I'll just workout in my sanctuary room & get a boost of endorphins out of it so that I'll feel happier and less irritated, and I can smile again the way I'm smiling in the picture. LOL! ;-)

Eye In The Sky

My part of the world. My gosh! I can see our family compound. This is soo weird! I can see the rooftop of my home, the homes of my parents and siblings, our warehouses, and office. I didn't mark my exact location because I don't want some stranger to suddenly knock on the front gate of our compound. People shouldn't divulge too much personal info over the internet. By the way, I wasn't the one who marked the other locations/areas ok?

Witness

My webcam's been with me for 4 years now. It has seen me change physically throughout the years. Watched my weight go up and down. Watched my bangs & hair recede. Oh no!!! My precious hair!!! ;-) My webcam made it possible for me to visually communicate & make friends from people of different backgrounds from different parts of the world, some of which are still in contact with me after all these years although we haven't met in real life. We even exchange gifts during holidays :-)

It was also through one of my internet videochats that I met my current bf. He & I were cyberbuddies before we decided to meet in-person, and the rest was history. Next month we'll be celebrating our 1st year anniversary :-)

Four years had passed. The PC that I first connected my webcam to is now gone. The cramped bedroom I used to sleep in in my parents home has been replaced with my very own bedroom in my very own house. My sister graduated from college a year after the photo of her & I making silly faces in front of the camera was taken, & before this year ends, she'll be married. And my lokong/crazy nephew will be entering high shool as a senior this year. A lot of things have changed yet my webcam still remains with me, witnessing...capturing bits of my life :-)

Videoblog

It's me ranting about things and stuff! Hehehe! My lokong nephew broke my handycam so I was forced to use my webcam :-(

I told you I'll be back! ;-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

A More Subtle Version

Ryan wanted a more poignant version of this video so I changed the song and his wish was granted :-)
Yeah, I'm a fan of Celine.

more of my vids at: http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Recap

I made a short clip containing excerpts of scenes that didn't make the final version of my videos, various videoblogs i didn't publish, and personal video messages before I finally delete them from my computer. Video files tend to take up a lot of memory from your PC. Happy New Year!!! :-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Celebrity Look-alike??!!

I got this idea from Chris' Blog.

Interesting results. Hehehe! :-)

http://www.myheritage.com