Dreams

I dreamt of my lola/grandmother last night. She was visiting me in my home. I didn't get "surprised" because in my dream my mindset was that she was still healthy and alive. I didn't even question the fact that she was able to go up the stairs of my home. We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to bring me one of those big colorful goldfish. I replied with a question asking her if she had bought a new aquarium. She said, "yes." After that I woke up, and then I realized...lola had already passed away months ago.
When I was still a kid, I used to ask my lola to bring home some waterplants for my aquarium whenever she got back from her visits to the farm.
My lola was confined to her bed for a year before she passed away February of this year. She wasn't even able to set foot in my house or seen it in person. She wasn't even present during my housewarming. I'm glad that she was able to finally see my home even if it was only in my dreams. I love you Lola M. and I am thankful for all the love you have given me and my entire family.

Soulmates

I was watching this talkshow on tv. The topic was about soulmates & I've learned based on seeing that episode that you might not necessarily end-up with your soulmate in your current lifetime but possibly in your next. The reason being is that you're probably still in the process of paying your karmic (karma) debt to the people in your life. They could be a family member, a friend, an enemy, or even your partner or spouse. This "payment" of karmic debt is a means of preparing you when the time comes that you finally meet your soulmate. Now it doesn't follow that life would be less meaningful if the person you have a long-term relationship with right now is not your soulmate. The reason behind this is that your partner may have something important to teach you. BUT you will eventually end-up with your soulmate. You don't even have to search for him/her.

Here are some facts about soulmates: (1) Complete force of attraction: It means that even if you were living in Timbuktu & your soulmate is in New York, your paths will cross in certain places and times, and it will keep on crossing until the two of you get in full contact with each other.

It is as if there is a magnetic force pulling the two of you to come together. (2) Connection & attraction in all levels: physical, mental, sexual, spiritual, etc. If there are differences in tastes in music, fashion, food, etc. these are but minor details. What I'm referring to are deeper connections resulting in a sense of harmony in both parties. (3) Your relationship makes better people out of the two of you allowing each one to evolve into better human beings. (4) The two of you can't live without each other: You always miss him/her. You always think of him. You feel good thinking about him. You feel good when you are with him. The same goes with your partner, because that is what soulmates are...two souls joining together to become one complete being. Quite romantic when you think about it huh?

Injustice

It is sad that two Iranian teen-agers were hanged in their country a few weeks ago only because they happened to be gay. Homosexuality and homosexual acts are deemed as crimes not only in Iran but in other countries as well mainly because of religion. I guess I was wrong thinking that I had it real bad when I was once bullied out of college by people who had suspicions that I was gay almost a decade ago. I was still young and at a stage of sexual identity crisis. I really didn't know who to turn to. I had to stop for a semester. Fortunately I was able to get back on my feet although it still hurts whenever I think of that sad period of my life.

I never thought that these unjust & heinous acts against homosexuals still exist. It hurts & infuriates me knowing that at this very moment another man or woman is probably being hanged or punished in some country for the reason that he/she happens to be gay.?

injustice

Insomnia Part 2

It's the middle of the morning. I am still awake. My right shoulder hurts. I think I've pushed myself too hard. I tried bench pressing 110lbs. I over exercised my body. Thank goodness my bro-in-law is a doctor. Why am I doing this to myself? I think I'm turning into a bigorexic. I can't sleep. I only sleep an average of 5 hours a day. Sometimes less. I don't want to resort to using sleeping pills because my bro-in-law told me that pills can be addictive. I saw this movie "The Machinist." The main character (played by Christian Bale) is an insomniac. I wonder if a year from now my body would look like this if I completely let my insomnia take over. But I think it's highly unlikely because I love eating. Actually I'm going to raid my fridge after I post this log. I'm in the mood for some pizza, noodles, and bacon cheeseburger with tomatoes and mushrooms. I'm a bigorexic insomniac. Hehe! Just kidding. I'm no bigorexic, only an insomniac :-)

the machinist

Neighbors

I had recently installed a bamboo fence on top of my walls to maintain a sense of privacy between myself and my neighbor. My neighbor is my eldest sister. Hehe. Actually the homes of my sisters and the home of my parents are all located inside our family compound. We're all neighbors, so no need for family gatherings I guess :-) I really like the bamboo. All I need now is the sea for my house to finally look like a real Mediterranean meets tropical beach sanctuary. I think I'm going to order some Boracay sand. ;-)

ober da bakod!

Boracay Island

Unconditional Love = Overrated

A friend once asked me if it was possible for someone to "change" if he loved him hard enough. I answered, "No." Love is sometimes not enough to make anyone change. Change is a personal decision. If a person doesn't want to change or adapt in order for the relationship to become stronger, then that person doesn't love you. Loving someone unconditionally is only setting yourself up for possible disappointments and hurt. Relationships should have at least some rules and boundaries in order to minimize conflict and pain in both parties. Only God can love unconditionally for He is God and can endure it...we cannot. We are only human beings. This is one of life's lessons I've learned the hard way. It's ok, as long as I've learned. :-)

My Home Gym

A friend has been asking about my home gym. Here it is. The room is very small. I can only benchpress starting from 90 lbs. to 100 lbs. max. I want to push it up to 110 lbs. I'm what gym people call "hard gainer." It's hard for me to gain mass than lose mass. My weight is only around 125-130 lbs. So I eat and eat (mostly fish and chicken meat/protein) until I'm about to throw up. Why am I punishing myself? Because I like the results. I think I'm obsessed at getting big. :-) I still need to arrange my equipments.

gym ko

Hassles Part 2

Another reason I chose not to live in the city is the horrible traffic. Beware of the annoying jeepneys and most especially the buses. They WILL try to force you off your lane if you don't stand your ground. But if you survived driving in Manila, you can probably drive anywhere else in the world. I only go to the city to shop or attend special occasions. Those bus drivers really get in my nerves. They don't stay in their designated lanes.

darn traffic

Hassles Part 1

During the monsoon season when the country experiences heavy rains the city is prone & I do mean prone to getting flooded. When I was still in college I was forced to walk through a flooded city street to get to my car. Walking through a flooded street is like walking through garbage. You'd see all the city's trash floating. There's also the danger of falling into an open manhole and I'm talking about a real manhole & not the "organic" type. Hehe! I had to bathe in alcohol afterwards. That is why I don't live in the city.

monsoon

Unintentional Exhibitionist :-)

after i finish taking a shower i usually shave my face. today was no exception other than one thing...i forgot to close the blinds in my bathroom's window. so what's the big deal? i was in my birthday suit when i was shaving. yup! no towel. no robe. i have huge windows in my bathroom. my house is quite tall & my bathroom is on the 2nd floor so i'm not that/always conscious or wary that i might be seen, but today a building across the street started undergoing reconstruction. the building is quite far but if you have decent eyesight you will still see me if you were atop that building. i noticed 2 "perverted" construction workers were looking at me, so i did what any "decent" human being placed in that situation would have done....i flexed my muscles and posed. :-) might as well make a funny thing out of an unusual situation. i'm not in the best shape (by my standards) these days but that doesn't mean i'm in bad shape. afterwards, i immediately closed the blinds. if they want to see more (as if they haven't already) they have to pay a considerable fee! haha! there's a waiting list too! ;-) i'm just joking. what a weird homoerotic way to start the day huh? good thing i used hot water. hehe!

toyo = badboy = loko loko :-)

Wicked

"Death Becomes Her" was shown on cable last night. I like this movie. I first saw this film more than 10 years ago and everytime it is shown on tv it still makes me laugh. Starring in it are two of my favorite actresses, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn. The story is about two "friends" Madeleine (Meryl) and Helen (Goldie) trying to outdo one another. I don't want to give too much of the plot away (for those who haven't seen it) but the ending was a bit irrational. I mean, why didn't they (Madeleine & Helen) just ask another plastic surgeon for help?

foolishness

Bad Hair Day

I decided to cut my "bangs" because they are getting long. The end result? I now look like a "school boy" with short short bangs. :-( My sister teases me & calls me "totoy" now which means little boy. Boooo! My advice? Never ever cut your own hair. My hairstylist will definitely reprimand me. Anyway, I'm thinking of changing my look. Maybe I should go blonde next time. ;-)

Proposal

I recently received an email from one of my website's visitors asking if I wanted to be in a movie. He claims to be a japanese producer. The only catch is that it is an adult movie. Hehe! I politely declined the offer but it was quite flattering in some way. Still, I will only do my own private porno movie with the one I love & my screen name will be Chase Lackslacks :-)

Insomnia

It's 3 in the morning. I'm starting to get sleepy but I'm also getting hungry. Kainis! This darn body just won't cooperate. I'm soo hungry. Bukas pa siguro ang 7/11 or Starbucks? Gusto ko ng cinnamon rolls, siopao, and sago't gulaman kaya lang malakas ang ulan. Wala akong mautusan bumili. Saan kasi nagsuot ang nightwatchman namin? Ayoko naman mag drive. I think I'll have to settle for some spaghetti, garlic bread, and mashed potatoes I bought at Pizza Hut & KFC yesterday. Takaw ko ba? ;-)

Ageing

My nanay/mother & I stopped by my lola's/grandmother's house on our way home to give her some fresh fruits yesterday afternoon. I only have one lola left. My lola is now in her early 90s. Fortunately she's still strong and can "take care" of herself. Meaning, she can still walk, feed herself, etc., unlike my other lola who was confined to her bed for almost a year before she passed away last February.
Unfortunately, my lola's hearing is not good anymore and she doesn't recognize me either. My lola didn't have a clue who I was. My nanay kept telling her "apo mo binibisita ka/this is your grandson visiting you." I told my nanay, "huwag mo ng kulitin si lola naintindihan ko." That I understood if she didn't recognize me.
It is not a good feeling to see people who were once strong and filled with life succumbing to old age...becoming weak. I pray that my lola's remaining years will be less stressful for her and that she'd still be able to "enjoy" her life.

Feeling Mushy

"no other love can warm my heart
now that i've found the comforts of your arms
no other love.
i was blessed with love to love you
'til the stars burn up above you
'til the moon is but a silver shell
no other love....."

These are lines from the song "no other love" which happens to be the favorite song of my parents. Today is their 43rd wedding anniversary. I'm so proud of my parents. I heard my tatay/father sing this song to my nanay/mother a few days ago while we were the only ones left in the office. My father has a good singing voice.

Phobia

The afternoon rains are becoming more frequent lately. I think another season is about to turn. Although the rain is a welcome relief from the heat, it can also be a hassle since the usual outcome is a power blackout. Because of the intense heat during the day, the rains usually become violent (i.e. thunder & lightning) at night. I hate lightning...because I'm afraid of it. I don't know why, but I'm afraid of it :-( Last Saturday the whole town experienced 2 hours of power blackout because of the rain. After the weather cleared up, it became hotter and more humid probably because water was already evaporating. Kainis!

Manic Monday

I wish the day went on the way I entitled this log but it didn't. I don't like Mondays. Why can't we just skip Mondays and go on to Wednesdays or Fridays. It's super hot and humid these days. Konting galaw mo lang pawis na agad. Tapos may nag-email sa website ko asking me bakit hindi raw pure english ang weblog ko? Hindi daw niya maintindihan. Bumili na lang siya ng dictionary. Tinatamad akong whole english ang log ko. English barok na lang ako baka gusto niya. Ok here we go. "Hi! Hello! I myself is apologize for not typewriting the diary in the pure english languages. Nevertheless, I hope your visitation to here, there and everywhere in the website was fulfilled with so many many more and much more fantastical feeling of happiness. I also hope you will going to go to drop by against here. I thaught that now the personality who emailed me complaining the log were not done in englishes is now joyful because at present I typewriting this log in english very fluenter. Hoping for your kind consideration. The End."
Just messing with you guys. ;-) Hehe. It's almost 10pm. Time to gym.

Heatwave

It's soooo freaking hot. I can stand the heat but not the humidity. Humidity makes you feel sticky all over. I really don't like it. My electric bills are way up because my airconditioners are working overtime. My room happens to be the warmest area in my house so electric fans just won't do. My entire family is planning to go on a vacation either this weekend or next weekend. I'm having second thoughts of joining them. It's too hot to travel. Yesterday I think it was 40+ degrees centrigrade. I just want to stay inside my home with my airconditioners in full power. Kaya lang parents ko baka magtampo. Oh the drama! ;-) I'm going back to work. Ciao!