Negativity

I've been blogging for years now, and through the course of these years I've learned to develop a thick skin when it comes to dealing with messages/emails that are hateful in nature. I am aware that there are people who do not agree with my sexuality and lifestyle but I don't think that gives them the right to send me messages with hateful terms such as; idiot, asshole, shithead, slut, etc. I've been getting a lot of these types of messages lately. I wonder why? Iniistorbo nila ako. Mga antipatika!!!! Hahaha!

There are also gay men who criticize the sound of my voice so condescendingly. What disappoints me the most is that majority of these gay men are Filipinos like me. I've corresponded with people from other countries and they didn't seem to have any problems regarding the way I speak. It's my fellow Filipino gay brothers who seem to have an "issue" with it. They say that it's a shame that my voice is too gay or soft. They (Filipino homosexual critics) usually refer to themselves as "bisexuals" even though they do not have sex with women. Very confusing! Naloko ako! Hehe! Well, as for me...I am gay and I don't have any intentions of changing the way that I am just to seek other people's approval or meet other people's "standards" with regards to what they believe is attractive. I've done that before and I only ended up feeling miserable, insecure, and shallow.

I don't wish to become a "lemming", a follower...always trying to conform & please everyone. And hindi yata bagay sa akin magsalita ng mga katagang "bro", "dude", "pre", "pare".....pare...pakiss naman pare....Hahaha! Ayokong masyadong maging paminta. 1/4 paminta lang. Hahaha! I just want to be me and I'll continue to be the way that I am as long as the manner in which I live my life doesn't intentionally hurt or offend others in the process. There's already a lot of things negative in this world and I don't wish to be a part of that :-)

PS

I have nothing against bisexuals and pamintas ok?

I even had a relationship with one in the past

Ayoko lang ng overly paminta. They look too stiff ;-)

Gay Life 3: Buddies

Part 3 of my Gay Life series. I hope you like it :-) We all met through Guys4men.com as was stated in the credits. We decided to make this mini movie for fun and to celebrate our friendship. I plan to do at least 1 more vid before the year ends. I'm already speaking to one Guys4men member to be in the vid with me. I hope I'll be able to get it done. Have a nice day :-)

video link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5ZUKys75EE&fmt=18

Smile :-)

It's only within the last couple of years that I was able to start flashing a genuine smile and laugh a real laugh. I wasn't always this "sunny." I was a sad and angry young man during my late teens & most of my 20s. Sad because a lot of people were mean to me. A lot of people bullied me especially when I was still in school simply because they suspect that I was gay. I wasn't even sure if I was gay that time because I was also confused about my sexuality. I could handle the physical attacks, but it was the emotional bullying that really got to me. I was angry at myself because I let these people who weren't even important in my life control the way I live my own life. I had so many regrets. I had disappointed my family, but most of all I had disappointed myself. However, seeing on television a tragic event that took place within the early part of this century clearly made me realize how short life is. That in one instance, it could be taken away from you. It was then that I finally started letting go of the parts of me that carry a lot of pain, sadness and regret. That I should start loving & accepting myself too. I'm happy I made that choice. Now, whenever I look back at the past & the things I've been through, I sometimes still get teary-eyed not because I'm sad but because I'm glad that I was able to surpass my personal "struggles" and has finally started moving on. I thank God for enlightening me and giving me a loving family which I consider my only treasure in this world.

Yes, life is still beautiful regardless of its ups and downs :-)

PS

That's my niece (who happens to be my neighbor. hehehe!) and my youngest sis with me.

This is what we do after getting home from the office.

We change to our comfy home attire (hehehe) and either watch tv or

play some PS2 games. I can't believe my sis is getting married :-)

I had the curtains & carpet taken off from my living room to be washed.

I lost weight bec. I was sick. Anyway, I have an excuse to binge! Yehey! Food here I come! Hahaha!

C&C

It's sweeping the nation! It's the latest craze this monsoon season! If you don't have it, then you are definitely out of touch with the latest trend. I'm talking about C&C or.......cough and colds! Yes, I have them! LOL! It's the IN thing these days, so I (unintentionally) decided to jump in the bandwagon. Nakiuso at nakiubo na rin ako! Hahaha! I'm just staying indoors. Don't wanna infect anyone.

Pero nainspire ako to launch a project. A fashion show in which lahat ng models dapat umuubo at may tumutulong sipon habang rumarampa sa runway. Kleenex lang saplot nila! Title ng show is Look ala Sipone! Very Avant-garde! Yes? Wag niyo na ako kontrahin! Hahaha! I was so "inspired" that I plan to launch a project runway fashion show thingy! The models will only wear Kleenex and they have to dramatically cough & sniff & sob (not cry ok? haha! ) as they walk the runway! Very Avant-garde huh? LOL! :-) Seriously though, I wanna get well soon. God! Stop teasing me and heal me already! Love Ya! ;-)

PS

My MiniDV Cam is fixed. Yehey!

I hope that young guy from G4M is still willing to act in the video. I will never speak

in my videos anymore though because people make fun of my voice

boohuhu! Nahu-hurt tuloy feelings ko. Boohuhuhu. Waaaah! ;-)

No more video blogs. I'm gonna stick to doing short music vids only.

BFF :-)

I have a new dog. Yehey!! His name is "Puppy." Yes, that is his name. Even when he's all grownup he will still be called Puppy! LOL! My former dog "Muymuy" died of old age 3 months ago :-( I'm glad I have a new dog. Actually, my older sister's maid saw this pup wandering the streets. She felt sorry for it & brought it to my sister. When nobody claimed it, my sis gave it to me. Puppy is now my new BFF. Best friends forever unless he bites me, if so I'll give him to my employees and let them cook him! Hahaha! Kidding! Kidding! :-)

Now, my youngest sis who lives with me wants a pet of her own. She wants a pet rabbit. I told her that rabbits are just big rats with better fur. Rabbits also have big red eyes. Scary!!! Nakakatakot!

Aftermath

I had a wonderful weekend. Watched the movie "Transformers." The first half of the film was a little boring but the battle scenes during the latter part were magnificent. Starscream, my favorite decepticon was in the film, so I was happy to see him/it. After watching the flick, Ryan & I went straight to Malate, Manila to attend the Gay Pride events/White Parties. It was my first time to participate in a White Party. I had a great time meeting new people and seeing new faces. I even met some of my cyberbuddies from Guys4Men and Friendster. I met J@e & Bnine from G4M, and Ian II from my Friendster. It was my first time seeing them in person. They were very nice to me. Ryan and I partied the rest of the night away inside BED, one of the more popular bars in Malate. I even ended up taking my shirt off while dancing. Probably because I had a couple of drinks. Hehehe! When we went out of the bar, the sun was already up. It was tiring. It was crowded everywhere. It was a lot of fun :-) I wasn't able to hook-up (what??!!! hahaha!) with some hot guy though because Ryan was not in his best mood (oh no!!!) because his feet were a little sore. Poor baby! :-( There was this one guy that I was interested in but he kept giving me mixed messages/signals so I decided to stop wasting time on him. I just slept the rest of the day/morning away at Ryan's condo. Fortunately I wasn't drooling in my sleep while he took this photo. Hehehe! :-) bagsak! / exhaustion!

Thinking Of You...

I wish you could stay, but you're so far away...

so far away....

PS

Feeling a little melancholy today.

Anyway, my hair's getting long. Time for a haircut.

Nocturnal Habit

I'm still hungry eventhough I just finished having my midnight snack a while ago. I workout in the gym at night from 10-12am and afterwards I eat my night snack. I workout in the evening because it helps me fall asleep a lot faster. Helps me fight my insomnia. Working out leaves me hungry though. Hehehe! For my midnight snack, I had 2 porkchops, half a cup of rice, a baked potato with melted cheese, and some "tuyo" which is a filipino dish made up of dried, salted fish. I'm allergic to tuyo but I couldn't resist eating it. I love eating tuyo even if it smells :-) The "tuyo" I had has a spicy sauce. Yummmmy! I also had a pear for my dessert. By the way, tuyo is different from toyo. Toyo in Filipino means soy sauce. Toyo is also a Filipino slang word used to refer to someone who is in a bad mood. Hahaha! I almost forgot, "tuyo" also means dry in Filipino

I'm hungry again! Maybe I'll eat some donuts or some chicken nuggets or that hamburger I bought at Burger Machine late this afternoon. I prefer Burger Machine over McDonald's or Jollibee. Their burgers are a lot tastier and cheaper. I'm not sure if they're cleaner but still...masarap siya! Wendy's burgers are still my overall favorite though :-)

PS

I burned my credit card earlier this week! Nakakainis!! I always end up burning my card when I'm in the mall. LOL! Bigla ko naman kasing binili agad yung shirts. Akala ko sale lahat yung kinuha ko. Naka 4k+ tuloy ako. My gosh! Sisley pa yung brand, sana isang A/X nalang binili ko. Yung type kong white long sleeves na shirt na nasa window display sa A/X sa Glorietta (Talagang sinabi ko yung branch no??? Hahaha!) which was my first choice to begin with. Nakakaasar! Bullshit!! No! It's double bullshit for making a mistake!!!! Grrrrrrrrrr! :-(

Note to self: Rey! Do NOT shop for a month!

Di bale cute naman yung shirt na nabili ko. Yeah right, keep telling yourself that Rey. Oh no! I'm beginning to argue with myself. Hahaha! Haba ng P.S. ko no? ;-)

Long-distance

Ryan (my bf) has recently moved into his new pad. I visited his place earlier this week. I took some pics. He still haven't unpacked yet. I liked it very much. It's a lot bigger than his previous condominium unit. He kept making fun of me saying "siguro naman di ka na mag-iinarte at di na masikip ang condo ko!" that I wouldn't complain anymore because his new place is a lot bigger. Hahaha! The only thing I don't like is the location. He now lives in Makati City, which is quite far from Bulacan. It usually takes me 45 mins. to an hour to drive from my home in Bulacan to Quezon City where he used to live. Now, it will probably take me +/- 2 hours to drive all the way to Makati. I hate driving in the city. I hate the traffic, most especially the unruly bus & jeepney drivers. If you drive in the city of Manila or Makati, etc., you'll know what I'm talking about. I can handle a long-distance relationship (my last relationship was one), but I know he's not used to this kind of setup. Sometimes whenever he feels down because we're apart I phone him & tell/tease him that it's physically beneficial for us because if we're together all the time we'd end up as skin and bones from making love 24/7. LOL! I can't help it, I love sex! Sex is the national pastime of gay men! Hahaha! I told him I had a dream recently wherein the two of us were "baptizing" his new place & to complete the "blessing" a third guy MUST make love to us. A threesome??!! Hahaha! I teased/told him that I could turn that dream into a reality if he wanted me to. He said "you are soooo kinky!" and I replied "more than one year na tayo, ngayon mo lang nalaman?" ("you only figured that out now after more than a year of knowing me??") Hahaha!

PS

I've received several messages asking when I'm to publish a new video. I still haven't had my camcorder fixed. I can't find the damn warranty. I need the warranty receipt so I could either have my cam fixed or replaced. I'll try to make one next month in time for Gay Pride. Yehey!!!! :-)

Infatuation 2007

It's that time of the year when I once again name the men that I have a HUGE crush on! Actually I had nothing significant to blog today so I ended up talking about my infatuations. Hahaha! On 5th place is Rocco. He's cute and is a world-class chef. I love to eat and he loves to cook. Perfect combination if I may say ;-) No. 4 is Gerard. He's such a yummy daddy in the movie "300." Delicious!!!! ;-)Dennis, a Filipino actor is on 3rd place. He seems demure and innocent but underneath that boy-next-door look of his lies a sexy young man. Ryan's on 2nd place. He's a funny guy and a stud at the same time. I love a guy who can make me laugh. I love to laugh. Hahaha! See? I'm laughing now! ;-) And my number 1 crush is Ricky! He's always been on my list. He can sing. He can dance. He's always welcome to shake his bon bon at me anytime he wishes to. Yeah right! Dream on Toyo! Dream on! Hehehe!

PS

To my blog readers (all 4 of you. hahaha) who've been asking when I'm going to publish a new music video/video clip on my youtube channel, I'll probably do one before the end of May. I already have a concept in mind & I'm thinking of inviting 1 of my friends at guys4men.com to be in the vid. His profile name there is revilo1. I think he'll be perfect for the role because he's young, cute & I'm taller than him. I'm only 5'7" tall. I still have to convince the cutey. He's quite shy :-)

Sanctuary

This is my gym. It's not only a place where I workout, it's also where I spend time whenever I'm really stressed or getting a little bit hotheaded. Exercising calms me down and clears my mind.

Speaking of stress, I got annoyed at Ryan (my bf) lately. He asked me to come over his pad last Saturday. I told him that I would come over but that I didn't want to stay there too long because I wanted to go barhopping which I had not been able to do in months. The last time I had a "nightlife" was December of last year. Although I love it here in the province, too much of the same scenery can get a little boring. I arrived at his place around +/- 7:00pm. We had dinner and afterwards he asked if he could take a nap first because it's still too early in the evening, & that I should wake him up around 1:30am. I decided/tried to wake him up around 2:30am instead so that he'll be more rested. He ended up waking around 3:30am.

We left his pad at Quezon City around 4am. We stopped by his office in Makati around +/- 4:20am to get his mobile phone adaptor. It was +/- 4:30am when we arrived at Government Bar, but there was a long line/crowd of people trying to get inside the place & I wasn't in the best mood to fall in line because I was already upset at Ryan for making me wait for hours in his pad while he slept. He didn't even want me to go out while he was asleep so I won't get bored. Getting back at the story, so since it was packed at Government we decided to head to Malate (Bed Bar). By the time we arrived in Malate, it was already +/- 5:00am. To make matters worse, we were pulled over by the police. The cop said that we entered a one-way street although there weren't any signs saying that it was a one-way street. Fortunately the cop was kind & understanding enough to let us go without ticketing us. We arrived at the bar around +/-5:30am. The sun was already beginning to shine. I decided to just have breakfast at Adriatico instead. Afterwards we went home. We accomplished nothing that night. Driving back from Manila to my home here in Bulacan, I didn't speak to him. It was his idea for me to go to the city in the first place & I rarely go to the city. I rarely go barhopping and I whenever I barhop I want it to be with him because he is after all my bf. Naiyak ako sa inis. Minsan lang ako mag-aya to have some fun 'di pa napagbigyan. Treat ko naman. Nasayang lang outfit ko. LOL! And then he got upset at me for not talking to him. Whatever! From now on ikakabisado ko na streets of Manila para next time that I want to unwind in the city, di na ako aasa sa kanya. Hahaha! ;-) In the meantime, I'll just workout in my sanctuary room & get a boost of endorphins out of it so that I'll feel happier and less irritated, and I can smile again the way I'm smiling in the picture. LOL! ;-)

Eye In The Sky

My part of the world. My gosh! I can see our family compound. This is soo weird! I can see the rooftop of my home, the homes of my parents and siblings, our warehouses, and office. I didn't mark my exact location because I don't want some stranger to suddenly knock on the front gate of our compound. People shouldn't divulge too much personal info over the internet. By the way, I wasn't the one who marked the other locations/areas ok?

Witness

My webcam's been with me for 4 years now. It has seen me change physically throughout the years. Watched my weight go up and down. Watched my bangs & hair recede. Oh no!!! My precious hair!!! ;-) My webcam made it possible for me to visually communicate & make friends from people of different backgrounds from different parts of the world, some of which are still in contact with me after all these years although we haven't met in real life. We even exchange gifts during holidays :-)

It was also through one of my internet videochats that I met my current bf. He & I were cyberbuddies before we decided to meet in-person, and the rest was history. Next month we'll be celebrating our 1st year anniversary :-)

Four years had passed. The PC that I first connected my webcam to is now gone. The cramped bedroom I used to sleep in in my parents home has been replaced with my very own bedroom in my very own house. My sister graduated from college a year after the photo of her & I making silly faces in front of the camera was taken, & before this year ends, she'll be married. And my lokong/crazy nephew will be entering high shool as a senior this year. A lot of things have changed yet my webcam still remains with me, witnessing...capturing bits of my life :-)

Videoblog

It's me ranting about things and stuff! Hehehe! My lokong nephew broke my handycam so I was forced to use my webcam :-(

I told you I'll be back! ;-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

A More Subtle Version

Ryan wanted a more poignant version of this video so I changed the song and his wish was granted :-)
Yeah, I'm a fan of Celine.

more of my vids at: http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Recap

I made a short clip containing excerpts of scenes that didn't make the final version of my videos, various videoblogs i didn't publish, and personal video messages before I finally delete them from my computer. Video files tend to take up a lot of memory from your PC. Happy New Year!!! :-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Celebrity Look-alike??!!

I got this idea from Chris' Blog.

Interesting results. Hehehe! :-)

http://www.myheritage.com

Gay Life 2: Love

The video was shot in the condominium building where Ryan lives. This is the result of having too much free time on a weekend. Drama namin no? Hehe! ;-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Fruitcake ;-)

Sabi ng mga friends ko, “Wow pare! Pumuputi ka ha!” Sabi ko, “Eh di magpapaya na rin kayo. Sikreto ng mga guwapo.” Hehehe!

While we are on the subject of fruits, I think that avocados are some of the funkiest fruits I’ve ever encountered. I feel weird eating one, not because of its taste. It tastes fine. It’s the smell of the fruit that makes me feel umm…”uncomfortable.”
Do I dare say what in my opinion the smell of avocado is like? Ok! Ok! We’re all adults here anyway. I don’t like eating avocados because they smell like umm…cum. Eww! There! I finally said it! I finally got it out of my system. Avocados smell like the milk of human kindness. Haha! I asked several people if they agreed with me and they just laughed. They said it’s not avocado but “Zonrox” that smells like man juice. Hahaha! I semi-agree with the “zonrox” thing though. Hehe! Thank you for taking the time to read my very unusual yet highly "informative" latest posting. Hoping for your kind consideration. The End.

Yes, I’m sick! I’m Toyo! ;-)

Bohol 2006

A short video clip of my recent vacation in the province of Bohol, here in the Philippines. It was an advanced birthday gift to me by a dear family friend. Usually, once I’ve vacationed at a certain place I wouldn’t be interested to go back anymore because I would move on & try other places I've never been to, but Bohol is such a beautiful place I wouldn’t mind returning in the future. The people are friendly (Bohol Beach Club), the place is calm & is still unspoiled and not overly commercialized.
Umm…please forgive the interpretative dance showdown I did with my sister. She's going to kill me!!! Oh no!!! Hehehe! :-)

I need to get back in-shape. I'm too lazy these days kasi ;-)

ore of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Spiky!

A certain person who shall remain anonymous always tells me that I should wear my hair up/spiked. I’m too lazy to style my hair and I don’t like putting on hair gel though. Just this once, I’ll sport a spiked/anime hairstyle. I just got out of the shower. It’s hot in the Philippines you know? I hope that “anonymous” person is happy now ;-) Masaya ka na? I don't wanna smile in the pics because I just ate some chocolates. Hehe!

I don’t like my bod. I want to be more muscular & bigger & bigger like umm..Batista! Hehe! My annoying sinusitis is back. I’m on meds again. Boo! hu! hu! Kawawa naman ako. Nobody's taking care of me. Wala pong nag-aalaga sa akin. Boo hu! hu! :-(

Tribute

I love playing survivor-horror themed video games. I'm especially fond of the Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame series. This video is my tribute to those games that are a delight to play. Just finished playing Resident Evil 4 & I can't wait for Resident Evil 5 either for the Playstation 3 or XBox 360. I shot this all in my house. Now my nephews are afraid to spend the night there after seeing the vid :-)

more of my vids at http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=toyo925

Road To Recovery

I have been on medication for more than a month now because of my annoying sinus condition. I hate it! I always feel lethargic and I lost weight because of the meds especially during week 2 of my treatment. I had to take a combination of antihistamines and antibiotics. Here’s how my treatment went.

Week 1: prednisone 5mg tablets 3x/day, & an antibiotic capsule (forgot the name) per day

Week 2: celestamine 5mg tablets 2x/day, & 500mg ceporex (antibiotic capsule) 3x per day
Week 3 & 4: 1 lorano tablet per day. i had an allergic reaction to this med. i got zits :-(
Week 5: One 500mg sumapen antibiotic capsule per day.

I’m scheduled to visit the E.N.T. doctor next week. The doctor told me during my last visit that my sinus has already improved. He told me to not use nasal decongestant sprays anymore because that was what made my sinus sick in the first place. I have used nasal sprays for my sinusitis for a long time that my sinus has become “dependent” on it to function “normally.” It was my fault. I’m guilty. I got concerned during my first check-up when he (doc) told me to have it (sinus) x-rayed. Fortunately, the results were negative. I hate going to hospitals. All hospitals (public & private, rich & poor) have that distinct “smell” that I’m not fond of. Below are photos of my x-ray and evaluation report. I erased my last name and the location of the hospital because I don’t want the whole world to find out where I live. People who don't like me & my blog might stalk me or something. Hehehe! Click the pics to enlarge.

Changes

I can't believe I'm already in my 30s. I'm amused at how I have physically changed over the years. I mean if I went back in time, my past self wouldn't probably have an idea of who I am :-) I hope I age well. I'm certainly no "kid" anymore although some people still treat me like one. I am not a kid. I'm already old enough to have a kid of my own if I wanted to...but I don't. I don't have any intentions of having a kid of my own. High maintenance. LOL!

Opinions

Whenever first-time blog readers (particularly Pinoys/Filipinos) of mine send me an email, they always comment on how they thought that I was “brave” for being quite open about my life, particularly about me being gay. I don’t actually consider it as “bravery,” I am just being myself. They (usually the younger Pinoys) also ask me for my input, advice or opinions on how to “come out” and this is often my reply:
“Live your life in a manner that best suits you. Whether you are in or out of the closet is not really that important anymore. What is important is you have accepted who you really are and you try live a decent & productive life in which you don't intentionally step on other people's feet in order to reach your goals and personal happiness. Because in the end, a person will not really be remembered for being gay or straight but by the way he/she has lived his/her life and the positive influence it had on the people around him/her.”
However, I would still prefer to be “out” at least to people who are important in my life (doesn't have to be the whole world) and I already explained why in one of my blog entries :-)

http://toyo925.blogspot.com/2006/03/anniversaries-coming-outs.html

No Worries: Filipino Version

I edited the video my friend made for me. I replaced the original song to make it much more Filipino/Pinoy because I'm not ashamed nor am I afraid to be gay Pinoy man. And if people can't accept me for who I am (and there were people who couldn't accept me because of my sexuality) then it's not my problem anymore. "Tuloy pa rin ang buhay ko." My world will still continue to turn. Life still goes on for me :-)

direct video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs_uLy0Lmi0

PS

To my blog readers who constantly email me asking for a new vid, I'll make a new one before the end of the month. I already have a "storyline." I'll be introducing someone in my next vid ;-). The working title of my next vid is....Toying with Toyo. Haha! Just kidding! By the way, I just finsihed updating my music page

A Prized Possession

Yes, this is an original Voltes V toy. A friend of mine told me that this toy is a collector's item now. My tatay/father bought it as a birthday gift and as a reward for me for getting good grades in school. I was in 4th or 5th grade I think when I got this toy. I was supposed to buy it with my own money but my savings weren't enough so my father who I guessed felt sorry for me decided to buy it anyway. I love you tatay! :-) This toy is made more of metal than plastic. I only have one laser sword left and it's hard to fit Bomber 2 into Panzer 3. I don't want to force it because I don't want to break it. Voltes V is a very popular cartoon here in the Philippines. It's still popular now even if it was first aired in the 70s. Sana binili ko rin si Daimos! Mas guwapo si Daimos :-(

PS

Some of my blog readers are requesting new videos from me. I'm still quite busy to do one & I'm also thinking of a story or concept for the new vid. I'll make a new video for my blog before the month of May ends & I think I won't be alone in my next vid. Hehe! ;-)

Infatuation 2006

I used to have 10 top crushes. I narrowed them down to five. E.C. (not a celebrity) is still my numero uno crush. Unfortunately E.C. is straight & married :-( Sana may twin siya. Haha! Rick Yune is 2nd place. Ricky is 3rd. Tommy Page (my crush since my teen years) is 4th. Nate is 5th. He's last on the list because he doesn't look like a bad boy nor can he sing. Nevertheless, he's still hot hot hot! He's always welcome to decorate my home anytime. He can even sleep over. Yeah right...keep on dreaming Toyo :-) FYI I'm not a bad boy. I might seem loko loko but I'm not. Hindi po talaga. Maniwala kayo. Kasi tinutukso ako ng isang "boi" na bad boy daw ako :-( Ayaw niyang maniwala na I'm an "innocent" (oops! biglang kumulog hehe) and semi-demure probinsyano. Semi lang kasi may pictures ako dito na shirtless. Haha!

PS

I saw my high school crush (not E.C.) yesterday.

Ang laki na ng tiyan niya tapos may receding hairline pa :-(

No Worries

Self-expression. My friend was hanging around in my house (my humble gym/storage room to be exact) some weeks ago and he shot some clips of me working out which he turned into this video as a gift for my blog's 1 year anniversary :-) The video is kinda dark because it was shot at night time.

direct video link http://youtube.com/watch?v=6YdwXjCgdNY

Life Goes On

I realized that it's about time that I finally moved on with my life. It would be emotionally & physically unhealthy for me to continue dwelling in the past. I recently placed an ad at a matchmaking site. I hope I'll be able to make good friends if someone answered it :-) This is one of the photos I placed in my profile. Most of the men there have photos that are shirtless so...I decided to jump on the bandwagon too. Hehe! Some of them have great fit bodies with washboard abs and chiseled chests. Kinda makes me feel a little insecure. Noticed that my blog's avatar is also shirtless nowadays? Ummm...it's because it's summer here. Mainit! It's too freaking hot. It's soo hot here in my country that this is actually what I "wear" (or not wear) going to the office, to the mall, and to the church....the church of disco. Just kidding! :-)

Decisions! Decisions!

A vid i made around november 2005. It was only now that i was able to edit it. In the video, I was having difficulties picking the clothes to a certain place I want to "come" Hehe! ;-) I hope my friends will not get upset at me anymore for not sending them video emails for quite some time :-) Click the play button to view the vid. The direct link is for full/larger mode.

direct video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHWfZsgeJdA

Toyo Was A Catholic Schoolboy??!! :-)

I found my old high school photo while organizing my boxes of clutter. This pic brings back memories. This is a very strict Catholic school. You're not allowed to enter school premises without wearing the proper uniform and I.D. Anyway, I love wearing any type of uniform (i.e. baseball uniform, army uniform, sailor uniform, hehe!) so no problem with me. I remember the school holding first Friday masses every first Friday of the month. Sometimes my best buddy and I would pretend that we weren't feeling well so that our teachers would excuse us from attending the mass & then send us to the school clinic. The school clinic happens to be located right next to the school cafeteria. Yummy! Haha! I also remember my adviser & teacher giving a me failing grade of 70 (an F) in Homeroom class because I wasn't able to bring flowers during the Celebration of The Holy Rosary or something :-( Regardless, I hope she's still in good health and doing well. Now my web visitors will believe me that I was once a Catholic school boi :-) I have some cute classmates huh? Click the pic to enlarge it.

High School: Sophomore Year 1989-1990

Anniversaries & Coming Outs

My blog is a year old! It’s amazing how time flies. I hope people who stumble upon my web and journal are able to learn something from the entries I post here though some of them can be only trivial stuff. I’ve started blogging to find out how ready I was to finally “come out” to the public. Although it was almost 3 years ago on June 21st 2003 that I first officially came out to one of my sisters. I was sick and tired of hiding inside the closet. I realized that if my family really loves me, they would accept me for who I really am. The closet can be a sad, limited, and lonely place to be in. Human beings are designed to be a lot of things…loneliness isn’t one of them. I didn’t want to be alone in the closet anymore. So I came out. I really didn't care about what other people would say or think. My family was & is my only concern. I first told all about it to my youngest sis (I told other family members months later). It was actually funny when it (coming out) happened.

My youngest sister didn’t really make a big deal out of it. She just gave me a kiss and a hug and told me that she’s happy for me as long as I’m happy with my life. She also told me that I should stop crying during that time because I look ugly/weird whenever I cry. She even grabbed her camera phone and took a pic of me crying to prove that I look ugly whenever I cry....and she was right! :-( Hehe! She did reprimand me because it was around 3 in the morning when I told her all about it which made me ruin her beauty sleep. Her college graduation was going to take place on that same day and she wanted to look fresh & pretty in her graduation photos. Arte talaga non! Haha! Another reason, I came out that time was because I got into a serious relationship with a very special guy (A.P.) and I wanted to introduce him to my sister. I was proud to have him as my boyfriend. Although, things between him & I didn’t turn out the way I wished it would, I hope that I was able to make him happy during the 2 years and 7 months of our relationship. All I did and ever wanted to do was to love him & be a good boyfriend to him. Time flies by so quickly. I wonder what the future holds for me and the people in my life. My little sister, my confidant.

Broke & Bare

A few weeks ago I asked a friend of mine to find me a copy of the movie Brokeback Mountain but what he gave me was a porno flick Bareback Mountain instead....which was MUCH MORE satisfying to watch. Brokeback Mountain is a little depressing, I'm talking about the film's ending. I don't know why mainstream/legitimate gay movies I've gotten to watch (Brokeback, etc.) always seems to have sad endings. One of the lovers always die :-(

Anyway, Bareback Mountain is also a "touching" story (and there were lots of touching and more...hehe!) of two gay cowboys (Keith & Jack) who have to "bareback" across America in order to become the next American Porn Idols. But as our protagonists travel & bareback across the country, they'll eventually have to meet the "Big Two" rodeo kings (hunky Paulo and Brandy) whom they have to "outwit, outlast, & outbareback" along designated pit stops inorder to retrieve from them the immunity idols which they need to defeat their final nemesis...American Porn Idol judge - Simone. Simone is one sexy fag hag with diabolical plans to turn all gay men into heteros. That evil bitch!! Will Keith and Jack overcome their trials and become the next American Porn Idols? Well...I'm not gonna spoil the ending for you but the last scene of Keith and Jack on top of Bareback Mountain together with their cowboy pals makes me wanna go to our farm and become a cowboy (or is it cowboi?) too. Bottom line, (pun intended) Bareback Mountain should have at least gotten an Oscar nomination for best "milking" :-)

Brokeback Mountain VS Bareback Mountain

Love

It's February again. It's the month of love so here's a list of some of the things I just love:

I love it whenever I see my crush.

I love it whenever I buy clothes that fit me just fine.

I love it whenever I get to eat my favorite foods.

I love it whenever the plane I'm in touches the ground bec. it means I won't be getting airsick anymore.

I love it whenever I'm on the beach, the skies are clear, the waters are calm, and there are few people around.

I love it whenever I see cute lovers holding hands.

I love it whenever traffic's not heavy.

I love it whenever I meet interesting people.

I love it whenever I realize that I made the right decision.

I love it whenever I get to put a smile on other people's faces and then laugh with them.

I love it whenever I think about the people who love me.

I love it whenever I'm in-love. :-)

I love it knowing that love is free.

PS

I've updated my music page. The new theme is The 80s.

Video Blog

Since I'm quite "busy" to make individual video emails for my friends, I thought of posting my video messages in my blog. Actually, medyo tamad lang ako gumawa ng video emails. Hehe! I've placed english subtitles for viewers who can't understand filipino/tagalog. Click the direct video link under the screen to view the video in full size.

the direct video link is: http://www.youtube.com/?v=FFvrJNLhVWI

My Video Diary

My very first video blog. Click the play button to watch it. :-)

video link: http://www.youtube.com/?v=dkHIdcP21jE

Happy New Year!

My friends keep asking me "whatever happened to your work-outs?" Well, I stopped for a month or so because the cold climate made me lazy. I took a webcam photo of myself "flexing" and I realized that I now have a.....CHEST! My hard work actually paid off??? Hehe. I'm already happy with the outcome. If it gets any bigger, that will be a great bonus. Now, I need to work on my stomach. HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! :-)

results

PS

I updated my music page in my main website. Disco and upbeat music are the themes this time around.

Farewell 2005

It's the last week of 2005. I can't believe I was able to blog this long. 2005 was a very emotionally exhausting year for me. I hope that 2006 will be a more pleasant one. In spite of the rough roads I've been through, I'm always thankful to God for all the blessings He has given me. Life is a constant journey, and the important thing to remember is to keep walking & discovering the paths you travel on with its ups and downs. Now I leave you with a music video from one of my favorite musical artists, The Corrs with the song "Toss The Feathers." I hope The Corrs would come back again to Manila for a concert. I have a big crush on Jim Corr - the lead guitarist & keyboardist. Peace :-)

The Corrs: Toss The Feathers

Mano & Drew

The photo below is of Andrew (left) and Manolo (right). They are a "married"/domestic couple/partners living in California. They used to live in Florida. They are proof that same sex relationships do work and can stand the tests of time. Their relationship serves as one of my inspirations and I look up to them. 

cute couple

Christmas Tree 2005

I already placed my Christmas tree in my living room. I think I need more balls in different sizes to hang in my tree. Balls...Haha! In the Philippines, we use plastic trees, unlike in the U.S. or Europe wherein some people still prefer to use real trees. I still have to buy a Christmas lantern or as we call it here, a "parol" to hang in my terrace.

My fondest memory of Christmas took place when I was around 6 or 7 yrs. old. It was Christmas & I was upset because I forgot to hang a Christmas stocking/sock for Santa to place his gift in. My nanay/mother told me "magsabit ka ng stocking baka bumalik si Santa/why don't you hang a stocking, Santa might return for you." I did what my nanay told me and the following day I found a plastic toy box which contains lots of candies and chocolates inside it. That memory always makes me smile. My nanay is really sweet. I love her very much even if she nags me a lot :-)

Games

I was only 13 years old when I saved enough money to purchase my very first video game console (An 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment Sytem) in 1988. My goodness! That was a long time ago :-) Ever since then, I've been hooked on playing video games. I own a lot of game consoles (Mega Drive, Super NES, Game Gear, Dreamcast, Playstation 1 & 2). Below is a list of my favorite video games. I can't wait to get a copy of Resident Evil 4 when it comes out this month.

On another note, I've stopped working-out for awhile. I've been losing too much weight lately. I'm failing at the one thing I was so passionate about. Stress, insomnia, & "issues" don't help either. The moral of the story: Life is filled with disappointments. :-)

game fanatic

Food Binge

I went to the mall this afternoon because I wanted to buy a staple gun...I ended up buying clothes....again!!! :-( I couldn't help it. There was a sale. But from now on I will not shop for clothes until the year ends. I'm all alone here. Nothing to do tonight, so I raided the fridge. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I even eat when I'm afraid. Hehe! Just kidding. I just love eating. Once upon a time I even tried eating "balut" (boiled duck's egg with duck embryo in it) and "dorian" (a tropical fruit that smells like crap). I will not try to eat these foods again but at least I once did. The taste was ok but the smell was really unpleasant. I get irritated at people who are overly conscious or "maarte" with their diet, unless they have allergies. It makes me wonder how hungry they are to experience life. Anyway, my metabolism is fast & I do serious exercises every other day so it doesn't worry me that I eat a lot.

For my midnight snack, I ate a plate of baked macaroni, 6 chicken nuggets, a garlic bread, 1 deep-fried spring roll, and a slice of cantaloupe. I washed it all down with a tall glass of soya milk. I'm still hungry though :-( I'll eat some beef wanton noodles & tuna subway sandwich after I finished publishing this. Then it's off to bed. Takaw ko talaga. I'm so bored I took pictures of my own night snack. Hehe! :-)

Birthday Blues

It has been a long time since I last made a post here. It has been two days since my 30th birthday. I now belong in the "mature" category. I was not in the best mood to celebrate it last Sunday because of personal reasons.

feeling blue

Rain

"Kapag umuulan bumubuhos ang langit sa iyong mga mata."

It's been raining a lot these days. The weather is much cooler now because of the rain though.

Rain In Sunset by Picci Anchise

Cyber Bachelors

I have gotten in-touch with a lot of people from all corners of the world through my website. I've known Aaron for more than a year. We even exchanged gifts last Christmas. He & I have good conversations. Olivier is an Algebra professor in Le Raincy. He's very fun to chat with.

I once attempted to match Aaron & Olivier, but I failed. :-( My matchmaking skills aren't very good I think. Terry is a typical Englishman. He's in the construction business. He sends me the warmest & most pleasant emails. I don't understand some of his British humor though. :-) These 3 men are very nice, "single" and eligible bachelors. I'll feature more cyber bachelors in the future.

Happy

I am happy/masaya ako today kasi I finished all the papers needed to be processed for my own business. I am now a boss :-)

happy dawg

Dreams

I dreamt of my lola/grandmother last night. She was visiting me in my home. I didn't get "surprised" because in my dream my mindset was that she was still healthy and alive. I didn't even question the fact that she was able to go up the stairs of my home. We talked and she asked me if I wanted her to bring me one of those big colorful goldfish. I replied with a question asking her if she had bought a new aquarium. She said, "yes." After that I woke up, and then I realized...lola had already passed away months ago.
When I was still a kid, I used to ask my lola to bring home some waterplants for my aquarium whenever she got back from her visits to the farm.
My lola was confined to her bed for a year before she passed away February of this year. She wasn't even able to set foot in my house or seen it in person. She wasn't even present during my housewarming. I'm glad that she was able to finally see my home even if it was only in my dreams. I love you Lola M. and I am thankful for all the love you have given me and my entire family.

Soulmates

I was watching this talkshow on tv. The topic was about soulmates & I've learned based on seeing that episode that you might not necessarily end-up with your soulmate in your current lifetime but possibly in your next. The reason being is that you're probably still in the process of paying your karmic (karma) debt to the people in your life. They could be a family member, a friend, an enemy, or even your partner or spouse. This "payment" of karmic debt is a means of preparing you when the time comes that you finally meet your soulmate. Now it doesn't follow that life would be less meaningful if the person you have a long-term relationship with right now is not your soulmate. The reason behind this is that your partner may have something important to teach you. BUT you will eventually end-up with your soulmate. You don't even have to search for him/her.

Here are some facts about soulmates: (1) Complete force of attraction: It means that even if you were living in Timbuktu & your soulmate is in New York, your paths will cross in certain places and times, and it will keep on crossing until the two of you get in full contact with each other.

It is as if there is a magnetic force pulling the two of you to come together. (2) Connection & attraction in all levels: physical, mental, sexual, spiritual, etc. If there are differences in tastes in music, fashion, food, etc. these are but minor details. What I'm referring to are deeper connections resulting in a sense of harmony in both parties. (3) Your relationship makes better people out of the two of you allowing each one to evolve into better human beings. (4) The two of you can't live without each other: You always miss him/her. You always think of him. You feel good thinking about him. You feel good when you are with him. The same goes with your partner, because that is what soulmates are...two souls joining together to become one complete being. Quite romantic when you think about it huh?

Injustice

It is sad that two Iranian teen-agers were hanged in their country a few weeks ago only because they happened to be gay. Homosexuality and homosexual acts are deemed as crimes not only in Iran but in other countries as well mainly because of religion. I guess I was wrong thinking that I had it real bad when I was once bullied out of college by people who had suspicions that I was gay almost a decade ago. I was still young and at a stage of sexual identity crisis. I really didn't know who to turn to. I had to stop for a semester. Fortunately I was able to get back on my feet although it still hurts whenever I think of that sad period of my life.

I never thought that these unjust & heinous acts against homosexuals still exist. It hurts & infuriates me knowing that at this very moment another man or woman is probably being hanged or punished in some country for the reason that he/she happens to be gay.?

injustice

Insomnia Part 2

It's the middle of the morning. I am still awake. My right shoulder hurts. I think I've pushed myself too hard. I tried bench pressing 110lbs. I over exercised my body. Thank goodness my bro-in-law is a doctor. Why am I doing this to myself? I think I'm turning into a bigorexic. I can't sleep. I only sleep an average of 5 hours a day. Sometimes less. I don't want to resort to using sleeping pills because my bro-in-law told me that pills can be addictive. I saw this movie "The Machinist." The main character (played by Christian Bale) is an insomniac. I wonder if a year from now my body would look like this if I completely let my insomnia take over. But I think it's highly unlikely because I love eating. Actually I'm going to raid my fridge after I post this log. I'm in the mood for some pizza, noodles, and bacon cheeseburger with tomatoes and mushrooms. I'm a bigorexic insomniac. Hehe! Just kidding. I'm no bigorexic, only an insomniac :-)

the machinist